No question today was a considerable success, contributing to the emptiness of my soul. Every day it gets easier and easier to ignore "hunger".
I will disappear. I can. I want it so badly. I can empty my soul of feeling. I have no more to give.
And it's my soul that is empty, my life is rich and full and finally has purpose, but the soul...it feels nothing.
It has died.
Rest In Pieces My Dead Useless Being
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
A longing so fierce
One day I'll wake up and this will all be a dream. A dream that has been going on for what seems like an eternity. One of those nightmares you encounter during your slumber, the ones that wrap you up and seem to engulf you for hours, days, weeks, yet only really go for a couple of seconds.
Sometimes I look at who I am now and where I've been and it's so obvious how all this came about, but before I could look back I didn't see where I was heading, blinded by the desires that raged throughout my mind, those needs trickling through my body and taking over my everyday actions, consuming my world entirely until I'm wrapped up in the strangle hold, just like those sheets that entangle my body when I kick and struggle against whatever is within my nightmares.
I scream for a hand that never clutches onto mine. Nothing ever comes.
And I'm alone again, within the darkness of my mind, afraid to embrace it fullly because the creatures that hide within the shadows scare the shit out of me, yet unable to move towards anyone because those people, they're monsters too.
So I'll stay within my dream, floating and sliding through the thick, black darkness. If I lie here it'll encase me like a womb and keep me safe from the world out there, but it'll also slowly eat away at my insides and take over me entirely again. And this time I'll let it, I'll lie there and breathe slowly, calming the panic and closing my eyes.
Sometimes I look at who I am now and where I've been and it's so obvious how all this came about, but before I could look back I didn't see where I was heading, blinded by the desires that raged throughout my mind, those needs trickling through my body and taking over my everyday actions, consuming my world entirely until I'm wrapped up in the strangle hold, just like those sheets that entangle my body when I kick and struggle against whatever is within my nightmares.
I scream for a hand that never clutches onto mine. Nothing ever comes.
And I'm alone again, within the darkness of my mind, afraid to embrace it fullly because the creatures that hide within the shadows scare the shit out of me, yet unable to move towards anyone because those people, they're monsters too.
So I'll stay within my dream, floating and sliding through the thick, black darkness. If I lie here it'll encase me like a womb and keep me safe from the world out there, but it'll also slowly eat away at my insides and take over me entirely again. And this time I'll let it, I'll lie there and breathe slowly, calming the panic and closing my eyes.
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