“This isn’t enough. I want something more.”

“THIS ISN’T ENOUGH”

Maybe it’s too much. 

Too much baggage. A relationship with someone who hates food and you show your love in the time and care you put into cooking. Too many people to give my attention to and everything that comes with the love that has to be shared.  Too much time away from you. Too much love for you.  Too many miles between us. Too good for you. Too much attention to you. Too much.

“I WANT SOMETHING MORE”

Maybe you need less. Less love, less attention, less devotion, less baggage, less DISORDER.

“I WANT SOMETHING MORE”. Thinner, younger, prettier, smarter, stronger, someone who makes you bleed.

I too want something more.  I want more of me.  I want more strength.  I want more life.  I want more faith.  I want to face my fears. I want to ask myself why can’t I let go of who I am. 

I Am My Disorder.   

Who Am I?  Am I More than this? Is this enough? Is this all there is? 

A constant struggle, a fight for control.  Don’t let it get away from you. Don’t eat, don’t be hungry, don’t give in, don't bleed, don’t ask for anything, don’t be weak, don’t need, don’t want, DON’T WANT SOMETHING MORE.

Knowing you, finding myself, open, honest, true, scary. I Am My Disorder.  A mental illness.  Something that doesn’t fit, a DIS-order…………………………..

“This isn’t enough”. It isn’t enough to pretend to want to give this away.  I don’t want this to go away.  I need to hold on to this.  I need this part of me to remain the same.  I won’t be me. I won’t be strong. I won’t be brave. I won’t know who I am.  I don’t want it to go away.

Words people say..."This isn't enough. I want something more."

Trying to understand someone else; remembering who I really am.   

I Am My Disorder.